I’ve known him for four years. We have played tennis for four years. It just makes me feel sorry for myself thinking I could actually be the girl to turn him into a gentleman. He is a dick, an asshole, a complete piece of shit, and I knew this. I let myself like him way too much and what has that done for me? Sleepless nights crying on my pillow. Long car rides staring out the windows. Picking up my cell every time a minute goes by. Relapses into bulimia. A whole bunch of things that have ruined my self esteem that was so shallow to begin with.
I have been crying for the past two days because not only did he ignore me, but he took something away. He took what little confidence I had left for myself and burned it with a lonely match yearning to be lit. And as I keep continuing to cry the more I realize that when I like a guy, my Eating Disorder follows suit.
And the more I realize that, the more I cry because this will be my life forever. But there is one thing that no one on Earth can dare take away and that is my happiness. I own happy, and no guy can say otherwise.
I don’t hate him… Im just disappointed in him and myself for thinking that he could be the one to hold my hand and lean a shoulder for me to cry on. Never have I felt so alone.
I like you still. But only because one thing you learn when going through recovery is hope. I hope one day you change for the better and know that the girl you once looked down upon never once succumbed to that.